At this point, pretty much everyone on this wiki (or at least the majority) agrees that the Aftons have all made stupid decisions, and while one of my goals is to have the characters actually have decent intelligence for once (and this doesn't just apply to the Aftons), I figured that it would at least somewhat funny if Lucas were to actually lampshade it so here's this convo between him and Michael that won't appear until one of the later chapters (and may not appear at all):
Michael: "Damn, if I had a nickel for all of the dumb shit the staff's pulled out of their ass..."
Lucas: "To be fair, we're all kind of idiots. Hell, we make Fazbear Entertainment look like geniuses in comparison."
Lucas: "Pretty much everyone in our family's an idiot except for Mother, to the point where you might as well say stupidity runs in our blood. For starters, I'm an idiot for even getting involved in cleaning up after Father's little messes, you're an idiot for turning my brain into Fredbear's lunch and for returning to Freddy's over and over again even though you know it houses a bunch of kids that will gleefully stuff you in a suit, Ellie's an idiot for not listening to Father when he said not to go around his own personal Harley Quinn rip-off, and Father's an idiot for creating a bunch of suits that can shred people to bits at the drop of a hat, for killing another set of five brats after he already has enough test subjects, and for not watching Ellie so she wouldn't be grinded to pieces."
Michael: "And you're the idiot that kept pissing the bed until you were eight and threw up when you ate too much chocolate a week ago. Your point?"
Lucas: "We're all f**king idiots, so none of us really have the right to call anyone else dumb."
Michael (internal monologue): "He must be going through a phase. His hormones will calm down eventually."
But DoTM does have a little comedy in it. Not a whole lot, but a little. Although it is harsher in hindsight, considering that Lucas is pretty underweight, and he isn’t fed by William very often... but Michael doesn’t know that.
I’ve been thinking of not actually showing that much of William’s abuse, so much as you see the effects of it, such as Lucas trying to eat inedible objects, Lucas absolutely gorging himself when he actually has food, having a fear of thunderstorms (a hint that not only the Funtimes get controlled shocks), and generally just falling silent and only giving short, obedient responses. The most that you actually see of William’s abuse is pinning Beverly’s death on him as a way to wear him down mentally.
Would actually showing most of William’s abuse be considered a romanticization of sorts? Or is it more effective than only giving more subtle implications?
I haven't actually found all of them, but rather I took what I already have and went a step further. You know how Funtime Freddy has that child in his tank? Well, I unraveled him, so now I have a child reference for these things. And that also means I can line him up to the height of the average child at that age, which in turn gives me the actual height of the characters so...
It's a bit hard to explain for me. I could give a picture to give you the idea, though.
That's actually really awesome, I love it when you go super in-depth. You should try your hand at doing another something like this only instead of height go for a different angle related to the models or anything you fancy.
Speaking of reading stuff though, you think you'd be able to read a few shorter writings I made for school? I want to see what you think of it, and if you'd like to see the style somewhere in the future. I don't know...
Well... both, sort of. I wanted to make it sound like a memory at the beginning, and as it progresses, I'm waking up, realizing that the cat is gone. It being a bad dream is one way to interpret it, after all it is kind of written like one... but at the same time, it isn't a dream at all.
It was written to be like a nightmare because it was a nightmare. All those feelings, the ugly truth, all from the death of our cat. That was the nightmare. That was the reality.
In the end, I'm not waking up, I'm awake. The nightmare was real.
Try cut down on adverbs a bit, less than 50 should do it. Don't be too passive with the language, be more direct and to the point in a few sentences. Make sure that the sentences are digestible, remember that you can always start as many sentences as you want.
Aside from that it was an intriguing premise and very competently written, well done.
I'm interested too, but I'm not sure exactly how to take it in. I mean, if some of them really are tried directly into the games, then that's sweet. As long as we can tell which ones are actually game canon and which ones are UMs... then we should be alright.
Oh, and as long as it rises above the generic FNaF pieces too. Ugh.
Even then we still have stories that are basically "oh no an animatronics's coming for me but I'm not scared because I just have to shoot it or stab it and it'll die the end". Does anyone actually like that kind of stuff?
I know there's actually-decent stuff I there, it's just that I tend to focus on the lousy stuff. You know I'm like that, right? After all, putting UM amongst those shit stories makes it look almost good.
I don't disagree with that but 2019 is the year of FNAF and while I'm positive that with the right crew Toby can easily whittle down that 7 year prediction for Delta Rune's completion I think FNAF will be taking the spotlight next year.
Scott, Mike, Michael, William and Fritz are the most solidly built in my mind. I remember that Mike Schmidt had a brother though his first name always escapes me. Plus you wrote a tale of MCI which included several interpretations of the missing children as well.
You would presume correct. UM Elizabeth is barely present in my memories but she's there, she had to be because she was part of UM Michael's story and I know beyond a fact you included Michael's story. Funny, I can still remember our first proper conversation, there you were with your penguin user pic deliberating over my advice to go in your own creative direction away from canon by keeping Mike and Michael separate. But I'm getting off-track, as for UM Charlotte I can remember her clearly after all your depiction of the MCI was one of the most recent things you showed me concerning UM outside of those cover illustrations.
Yes it's all coming back to me quite clearly, I remember congratulating you on your excellent attention to detail from the scenery to the characters. In a fanbase where too many writers make the mistake of overindulging the animatronic perspective you went for the human-centric story. A wise choice, one that Kira and Scott seem to have agreed with you on. Lets see what else was there, oh yes the first part of UM you ever gave me the privilege of reading was set very loosely in FNAF 1's setting. The next pieces you gave became less fixed on events and more so on individual character stories during the time of 2017 where the lore was at its most uncertain.
The conversation between Scott and Michael. Why, for the same reasons I listed the day you gave it to me; well written interactions, good descriptive detail of scenery, good sense of tone, interesting characterisation, solid continuity and focused.
Most kids had Superman or Superman as the fictional character they admired as a kid but for me it will always be the ever ambitious, scheming and traitorous second in command of the Decepticons Starscream.
Well technically, no. Your favorite is Starscream, so that's your username, and so I decided to mess around and say Penguin because it's in my name (technically he does somewhat contribute to why I chose it for my username). But other than that no I don't have many feelings for Batman or any of that stuff.
Let's see, first he suddenly insulted me out of the blue:
Next, he said this after I stated the truth(don't deny it, you know I was right in stating you can't mix the games and the novels that much):
It stinks of hypocrisy, as does the one below. And the fact you let that go disgusts me.
Next up after an angry reply about how Ferret's hiding away too :
This next one's just weird. He's way to attached too that theory, I swear. Also, outright lies and hypocrisy, when you look at the above. Also, don't deny I change my theories, you've seen my timeline:
Okay this next part is just ridiculous. He has no way of knowing my past, yet he gets set off when I mention the fact I was a victim once, AND HE CALLED ME A DREAM THEORIST:
And then comes the talk. The long, TTS-esque talk. This is literal hypocrisy. And I hate it. I absolutely hate it. You as a discussions moderator could've stopped this, but you didn't. Be honest with me, does this seem like someone who can solve FNaF, or someone who's leading us down a one way trip to theorist hell?
I'm sorry Star, but this person is not the one to solve the story of the games. He hasn't changed a bit of his theory, only added onto it. Whenever I try to nudge him in the right direction, I'm attacked. This thing he's become is so similar to Timetoscare, it terrifies me.
And no, I won't solve the story either. I'm trying, but it's up to those greater than me to do that. However, it's not going to be him. He's destroying himself, and I can't do anything to stop it.
See how quickly he antagonises me? See how he instantly defends anything to do with his theory, resorting to insults to stop me.
So, Star, is Ferret really completely innocent in this? I'm aware I'm not, but what about him?
The thread has been closed down, I've told Ferret he's free to make another one and move on from this. But if I see another argument like this one on that thread I just closed, accounts will be potentially banned. It will be up to the admins to decide ultimately but I will be reporting it next time and they will decide who will get banned.
You mean the Charlie from The Fourth Closet correct? To answer your question no the Charlie we've been following in the books does not contain the original human soul of the original Charlie who died at the Diner. According to Baby the Charlie android is powered by what seems to be a piece of Henry's Soul through his 'tears.' It's left pretty ambiguous but somehow Henry managed to transfer some of his own lifeforce into the Ella doll and then proceeded to build that doll a collection of human-like bodies to replicate a Charlie who grows older.
She's still a real character just not a human character. Also the memories of Sammy's death are fake, artificially created by Henry as it was Charlie that died at Fredbear's not Sammy. Sammy lives with his mum.
Before, I came up with a backstory for William Afton revolving around his abusive parents. But the more I thought about it, the more I felt like it was a cop-out story and also repetitive, since William’s abuse towards Lucas is what made the latter go insane; Lucas was always bitter towards Michael after the Bite, but would’ve never been truly a malicious or dangerous person if their father didn’t push him over the edge. In other words, William essentially broke Lucas and stripped him of his humanity.
However, William has a very odd perception of love that is twisted by his own psychosis. As a child and teenager, William made little to no attempt to conceal his psychopathy, which naturally caused his peers to stay away from him. Beverly Schmidt was the only one who made any attempt to get to know him, and was willing to treat him as an actual person. This is what resulted in William’s romantic relationship with her, but even after marriage, William saw Beverly as less of an actual person, and rather an object that makes him feel good. A toy to play with and discard when he was bored. This sort of mindset extended to their children, which is why he hates Michael and loves Elizabeth. Michael never abided by his father’s rules and expectations, while Elizabeth always followed them. William was always controlling towards Beverly, and when he started controlling their kids, Beverly drew the line and threatened to walk out and take their children with her. Obviously, that didn’t pan out. In a way, you could say that William is very much a yandere for Beverly (he even stalked her whenever they weren’t together), to the point where he killed her and placed her soul inside Grace so that she would never leave him. His version of love is a totalitarian grip on everyone he cares about, and keeping them in line, threatening them if they even ask for some independence.
“You know you’ll never leave me, right? We will do great things together, my dear.” -William to Beverly.
It’s also why William employed reverse psychology in his daughter, but instead of purely trying to have her possess Baby, DoTM follows the interpretation that this was William’s way of testing Elizabeth’s loyalty to him as his selected heir; to see whether she was obedient enough to remain human, or if she needed to be forcibly corrupted by Baby’s AI to keep her in line, and Elizabeth failed that test. And when Lucas was revived after the Bite, William tortured him whenever his youngest son didn’t meet his expectations, and forced him to assist in his immortality experiments. Whatever independence Lucas had a person, William took it away from him, as well as his chance to be a normal kid. William twisted Lucas into what he wanted him to be rather than let him be his own person, depriving him of his own free will. By the time of DoTM, Lucas has entered a state where he has nothing to live for other than complete his father’s goals, with what little humanity he has left being devoted towards his intense hatred towards Michael.
“My brother and sister are two very different individuals, at least with how they treated Father and how he treated them. Michael couldn’t stand Father’s rules, while Ellie followed them without question. Michael made it hard for Father to control him, while Ellie made it very easy. Michael was defiant, and Ellie was obedient. Father always punished Michael for his rebelliousness, and the one time Ellie disobeyed, she paid for it with her life. Yet, despite this, they had one thing in common, even if it was conveyed differently. They both refused to accept that they were manipulated by Father. Michael refused to let Father control him and wanted to be his own independent person… while Ellie loves Father so much that she desperately wants to believe that Father loves her back, following him in the hopes that she can be loved as his daughter, and more than just a tool. But at the end of the day, all three of us are merely expendable pawns on the chess board. That’s all I’ve ever been, and all I’m capable of. It’s only a matter of time until Michael is put in his place like us.” -Lucas Afton, regarding Michael and Elizabeth Afton.
TL;DR: William’s psycho logic: love = do whatever I tell you to do without question or suffer.
That was my attempt of giving William in-depth characterization without making him a tragic character.
I'd still say William is tragic here but in a good way, it shows that he doesn't truly grasp what love is but desperately wants to try and understand it and in that regard it sets up huge potential for a character arc in this iteration of William.
I considered doing something similar to Detroit: Become Human in terms of chapters: similar to how that game alternates between Connor, Kara, and Markus’ storylines, I thought about trying to have the chapters switch between Violet’s (I’m very indecisive about the protagonist’s name, as you can probably tell) perspective within Lucas’ tests, and Lucas’ perspective as a teenager enduring William’s abuse. Would that be a good idea, or would it be better to have the story solely revolve around Violet’s struggle against Lucas and Elizabeth?
The power of dank memes sustains me...also PsychoBilly gave me a job sorta before I completely faded off the face of the Wiki so yeah that kinda gave me reason to stay. But yeah I'm pretty much dead...inside at least.
Yeah, just rummaged through 36 threads most of which were in dire need of a strict eye but nice to see that the board has been running pretty smoothly in the week I've been away. Good work Jeff, Trica as well.