Based on:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vuW6tQ0218
Hello, I wish to register a complaint! Hello, miss?
What you mean, "miss"?
Oh... I'm sorry, I have a cold.
I wish to make a complaint!
Sorry, we're closing for lunch.
Never mind that, my lad, I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique!
Oh yes, the Norwegian Green, what's wrong with it?
I'll tell you what's wrong with it... it's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
No, no, it's resting, look!
Look, my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one and I'm looking at one right now!
No, no, it's not dead, it's resting!
Resting?!
Yeah... remarkable bird, the Norwegian Green. Beautiful plume, isn't it?
The plumage don't enter into it! It's stone dead!
No, no, it's resting!
Alright then, if it's resting, I'll wake it up!
HELLO, POLLY! I GOT A NICE CUTTLEFISH FOR YOU WHEN YOU WAKE UP, POLLY PARROT!
There, it moved!
No, it didn't! That was you pushing the cage!
I did not!
Yes, you did!
*Takes parrot out of the cage.*
HELLOOOOOOOO, POLLYYYYYYY!
POOOOOOOOOOOOOLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
*Repeatedly whacks the parrot on the counter.*
POLLY PARROT, WAKE UP!
*Whacks the parrot on the counter once more.*
POLLY!
*Drops the parrot on the floor.*
Now that's what I call a dead parrot!
No, no, it's stunned!
Look, my lad, I've had just about enough of this! That parrot is definitely deceased! And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squall!
Well sir, it was probably pining for the fjords!
Pining for the fjords?! What kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home?
The Norwegian Green prefers kicking on its back! It's a beautiful bird, lovely plumage-
Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot, and I discovered that the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there!
Of course it was nailed there, otherwise it'd have muscled up to those bars, and- BOOM!
Look, matey, this parrot wouldn't "BOOM" if I put 4,000 volts through it! It's bleeding demised!
It's not! It's- it's pining!
IT'S NOT PINING, IT'S PASSED ON!
THIS. PARROT. IS. NO. MORE.
IT HAS CEASED TO BE!
IT'S EXPIRED AND GONE TO MEET ITS MAKER!
THIS IS A LATE PARROT!
IT'S A STIFF!
BEREFT OF LIFE!
IT RESTS IN PEACE!
IF YOU HADN'T NAILED IT TO THE PERCH, IT WOULD BE PUSHING UP THE DAISIES!
IT'S RUN DOWN THE CURTAIN AND JOINED THE CHOIR INVISIBLE!
THIS... IS AN EX-PARROT!
Well, I better replace it, then!
If you want to get anything done in this country, you've got to complain 'till you're blue in the mouth.
